I've struggled with this last post. It seems abrupt and I'm not sure what to say or how to end, but it's time to move on.
My original intention in writing the blog was to inform and inspire others facing POF/infertility. The diagnosis was so unexpected and devastating for me. I remember any success stories or positive recommendations I could find gave me a glimmer of hope and I wanted to do that for someone else. I sincerely wish this reaches (and helps) someone in need.
I think keeping the blog was healing for me as well. I felt a little detached from the pregnancy at times; honestly, because I was in disbelief and scared. Keeping a journal helped me stay connected and tick away the milestones. Now that the baby is here I'm just in awe of the whole experience and so so grateful--grateful for her and grateful for the entire journey.
Thanks for reading.
-Jolene
Friday, June 24, 2016
Thursday, May 12, 2016
The birth
Tuesday night I was upgraded from my antepartum room to a birthing suite. They gave me cervidil to help soften my cervix--ironically, I dilated early with my son (around 32 weeks) and with this pregnancy I was completely NOT dilated/effaced. They kept that in place for several hours and I tried to snooze on and off. I knew I would be exhausted the next day if I didn't sleep all night but it was hard to rest with a nurse coming in every hour, my mind and anxiety in overdrive, plus I had a fetal heart rate monitor on my belly so any time I moved it would trigger an alarm.
Around 4am, the cervidil came out and I was able to take a shower. Then I was started on pitocin to trigger contractions. They started but were very mild. The nurse gave me some kind of drug drip that helped me catch a few hours of shut eye. It was a weird, trippy sleep but I was glad for the mental break. At 7am the hospital OB came in and broke my water. Hello! Cue the contractions. I was dilated to around 3cm but I could tell things were starting to move quickly.
I decided to get an epidural because why not? I had one with my first child plus contractions/labor are not fun. I had no idea how long it would take for my body to get to 10cm and didn't want to be in pain all day. Within an hour of having my water broken, I asked my nurse to call the anesthesiologist. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a mishap. It took three tries to get my epidural in place and I ended up with a wet tap--you can google it but essentially they poked the wrong place and spinal fluid leaked which makes the brain sag. It caused the worst headache you can imagine. I couldn't sit up or open my eyes but I also couldn't feel the contractions anymore. Ha! In hindsight, I probably should have tried to go natural. The contractions were hard but not unbearable. Since this was my second birth with a substantially smaller child, my body really knew what to do. By 10am I was fully dilated, but I had no way of knowing these things would happen so I'm not upset nor do I regret the decision.
Thank goodness, delivery was short and went smoothly. Baby was born healthy (no NICU time necessary) and it was such a relief to see her, hold her, and begin bonding. The whole family was overjoyed and I can't say enough about my doctor and the hospital nurses. I was monitored throughout the next day for my spinal headache (no blood patch necessary) and we were both released to go home on Friday. Overall, I had a great birth experience. Did it go according to my plan or how I imagined, absolutely not. But nothing about this pregnancy went as planned or was ever in my control, and that is exactly how it was supposed to be.
Around 4am, the cervidil came out and I was able to take a shower. Then I was started on pitocin to trigger contractions. They started but were very mild. The nurse gave me some kind of drug drip that helped me catch a few hours of shut eye. It was a weird, trippy sleep but I was glad for the mental break. At 7am the hospital OB came in and broke my water. Hello! Cue the contractions. I was dilated to around 3cm but I could tell things were starting to move quickly.
I decided to get an epidural because why not? I had one with my first child plus contractions/labor are not fun. I had no idea how long it would take for my body to get to 10cm and didn't want to be in pain all day. Within an hour of having my water broken, I asked my nurse to call the anesthesiologist. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a mishap. It took three tries to get my epidural in place and I ended up with a wet tap--you can google it but essentially they poked the wrong place and spinal fluid leaked which makes the brain sag. It caused the worst headache you can imagine. I couldn't sit up or open my eyes but I also couldn't feel the contractions anymore. Ha! In hindsight, I probably should have tried to go natural. The contractions were hard but not unbearable. Since this was my second birth with a substantially smaller child, my body really knew what to do. By 10am I was fully dilated, but I had no way of knowing these things would happen so I'm not upset nor do I regret the decision.
Thank goodness, delivery was short and went smoothly. Baby was born healthy (no NICU time necessary) and it was such a relief to see her, hold her, and begin bonding. The whole family was overjoyed and I can't say enough about my doctor and the hospital nurses. I was monitored throughout the next day for my spinal headache (no blood patch necessary) and we were both released to go home on Friday. Overall, I had a great birth experience. Did it go according to my plan or how I imagined, absolutely not. But nothing about this pregnancy went as planned or was ever in my control, and that is exactly how it was supposed to be.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
36 weeks
Well stuff can go wrong and if I thought the previous weekend/week had been wild then I was in for another shock. April had a happy ending but boy was it crazy! Thank goodness I am not the plan maker and God had everything under control.
My 36 week appointment was first thing Monday morning, so I could get to work right after. My husband and son tagged along to see the ultrasound portion. The tech was cheery as usual but seemed concerned as she checked my amniotic fluid level. Side note: the techs can't really tell you anything but I try my darndest to pump them for info. She said it had gone down since I was in the hospital and the doc would want to discuss this with me. I casually asked what my levels were. It was a 7 at the hospital and now it was a 3. No idea what that meant until I was back in the waiting room googling my brains out. Oh snap! That's low--below 5 is not good and most docs take action.
My OB swiftly came in, told me the fancy word for the condition--oligohydramnios--and said I was going to the hospital and staying there overnight. They'd check my level again tomorrow. I love my OB but that was about all the explanation I received. I asked her what the ramifications were if we delayed and she bluntly said without enough fluid it could cause fetal death. OMG my worst fear. Get me to the hospital! As much as I didn't want to go and was not at all prepared, I knew it was the best place to be.
Sitting in a hospital bed for the next 36 hours was mentally challenging because physically I felt strong and healthy. I had so many questions and I wondered how/why this had happened. I didn't show any leaks or tears. I felt responsible but I had been drinking around 150oz of water per day. I wasn't ready for the baby to come. Was the baby healthy enough if they decided she needed to come? Would I have to stay hooked up in the hospital longer? Would I be released? Will I now be obsessed with the term fetal death and lose my mind? Talk about a long and lonely day and night.
Tuesday afternoon I had another ultrasound and met with my OB. My level went from a 3 to a 4.5. This was a little disappointing given that I had been drinking tons of water and hooked up to an IV around the clock. My doctor didn't have an explanation as to why this had happened but said it could be a sign of placenta insufficiency. Sounds about right when it comes to my body, every lady part was tired and failing. Then we discussed options. Basically the two options were to induce now or wait until 37 weeks. I was 36 weeks, 4 days so if we chose to wait I would go home and monitor via kick count (apparently you can only get two ultrasounds per week and I was maxed out). There were arguments for both sides. On the one hand, I wanted to go home and make some preparations. It would also give the baby more time inside to grow since there is increased risk of certain organs like the lungs not being fully developed. On the flip side, what difference would three days make? Was it worth the stress and risk of going home and having something happen? I am so glad my MIL was with me during this meeting (my husband was juggling work and kid care at the time). It was confusing and scary, but we all agreed to go ahead and induce now.
After the decision was made, the rest of Tuesday was a blur. It felt like I talked on the phone all afternoon, informing everyone of the plan for the next 24 hours. I don't think I could fully process how quickly everything was happening. I was nervous for the induction process and for her health, but at the same time excited the baby would be here soon.
My 36 week appointment was first thing Monday morning, so I could get to work right after. My husband and son tagged along to see the ultrasound portion. The tech was cheery as usual but seemed concerned as she checked my amniotic fluid level. Side note: the techs can't really tell you anything but I try my darndest to pump them for info. She said it had gone down since I was in the hospital and the doc would want to discuss this with me. I casually asked what my levels were. It was a 7 at the hospital and now it was a 3. No idea what that meant until I was back in the waiting room googling my brains out. Oh snap! That's low--below 5 is not good and most docs take action.
My OB swiftly came in, told me the fancy word for the condition--oligohydramnios--and said I was going to the hospital and staying there overnight. They'd check my level again tomorrow. I love my OB but that was about all the explanation I received. I asked her what the ramifications were if we delayed and she bluntly said without enough fluid it could cause fetal death. OMG my worst fear. Get me to the hospital! As much as I didn't want to go and was not at all prepared, I knew it was the best place to be.
Sitting in a hospital bed for the next 36 hours was mentally challenging because physically I felt strong and healthy. I had so many questions and I wondered how/why this had happened. I didn't show any leaks or tears. I felt responsible but I had been drinking around 150oz of water per day. I wasn't ready for the baby to come. Was the baby healthy enough if they decided she needed to come? Would I have to stay hooked up in the hospital longer? Would I be released? Will I now be obsessed with the term fetal death and lose my mind? Talk about a long and lonely day and night.
Tuesday afternoon I had another ultrasound and met with my OB. My level went from a 3 to a 4.5. This was a little disappointing given that I had been drinking tons of water and hooked up to an IV around the clock. My doctor didn't have an explanation as to why this had happened but said it could be a sign of placenta insufficiency. Sounds about right when it comes to my body, every lady part was tired and failing. Then we discussed options. Basically the two options were to induce now or wait until 37 weeks. I was 36 weeks, 4 days so if we chose to wait I would go home and monitor via kick count (apparently you can only get two ultrasounds per week and I was maxed out). There were arguments for both sides. On the one hand, I wanted to go home and make some preparations. It would also give the baby more time inside to grow since there is increased risk of certain organs like the lungs not being fully developed. On the flip side, what difference would three days make? Was it worth the stress and risk of going home and having something happen? I am so glad my MIL was with me during this meeting (my husband was juggling work and kid care at the time). It was confusing and scary, but we all agreed to go ahead and induce now.
After the decision was made, the rest of Tuesday was a blur. It felt like I talked on the phone all afternoon, informing everyone of the plan for the next 24 hours. I don't think I could fully process how quickly everything was happening. I was nervous for the induction process and for her health, but at the same time excited the baby would be here soon.
Wild weekend
Well the past week was definitely interesting... Things started a little shaky on Thursday when my three year old threw up a few times out of nowhere. He had no fever and no symptoms, just a few vomit episodes over the course of six hours. I thought maybe food poisoning but the timing and food he consumed didn't seem suspicious. I worked to hydrate him and he was fine later that afternoon so I didn't think much of it.
Fast forward to Friday late night. About midnight, I was trying to go to bed and felt funky. I couldn't tell if the baby was being active and making me uncomfortable but I tossed around for about two hours. When I started feeling uneasy laying flat, I was able to identify a funny tummy twinge. I ended up in the bathroom tossing my cookies about 2am, then again around 5am, and finally at 8am. Being 35 weeks pregnant and so violently ill, I called the on-call doc and asked for advice. He recommended if I couldn't keep liquid down that I go to the hospital.
My husband and I decided I should go after the 5am incident (all the fluid I have consumed for past three hours) but we wanted to wait until my son woke up and see if we could get some grandparent backup. As we waited over the course of the next two hours, he got sick too! Code red: both parents down! Thankfully my parents were able to come. My husband went to an urgent care to get some meds, my mom went with me to the hospital, and my dad stayed with the boy. They got me checked in at the OB ward and confirmed I was severely dehydrated. Baby was fine but I was actually having contractions every 4-6 minutes. Yikes! I knew my stomach was cramping/tightening but didn't feel like I would go into labor. I was put on an IV and given a shot for nausea. A few hours and three bags of drip later I was released to go home.
Both my husband and I were knocked out all day Saturday and pretty worthless Sunday. The virus was fast but the after effects of lost sleep, body cramps and dehydration were brutal. We were both glad to be on the mend Sunday evening but disappointed to lose the whole weekend. So much for being productive.
As we turned in early Sunday night, it began to rain. A strong storm but nothing that seemed too worrisome. At 1am I was awakened by the doorbell and knocking on our front door. What in the what?! My bleary eyed husband answered to find our neighbor in a wet suit! He had come over to tell us that if we didn't move our car from the street it was about to float away! The rain had come so hard and fast that our street had become a lake and the water had crept so high it was almost at our house. The mailbox was like an island and the grass was submerged. Obviously, we were again wide awake all night again and worried we were about to be flooded.
Thankfully, the rain let up and the drains began working but the Houston area was wrecked for the next several days. The creek near our house basically cut off all access to driving and as I worked from home I took it very easy--I did not want to go into labor and have to be army airlifted out of my house! I was told to follow-up with my OB on Monday after being in the hospital but with the floods, even their office was closed and I was unable to speak with anyone until Wednesday morning. After catching up with the nurse, we decided I should just stay put and stay hydrated. I had an ultrasound and 36 week appointment scheduled for Monday. That was only 4 days away...what could go wrong?
Fast forward to Friday late night. About midnight, I was trying to go to bed and felt funky. I couldn't tell if the baby was being active and making me uncomfortable but I tossed around for about two hours. When I started feeling uneasy laying flat, I was able to identify a funny tummy twinge. I ended up in the bathroom tossing my cookies about 2am, then again around 5am, and finally at 8am. Being 35 weeks pregnant and so violently ill, I called the on-call doc and asked for advice. He recommended if I couldn't keep liquid down that I go to the hospital.
My husband and I decided I should go after the 5am incident (all the fluid I have consumed for past three hours) but we wanted to wait until my son woke up and see if we could get some grandparent backup. As we waited over the course of the next two hours, he got sick too! Code red: both parents down! Thankfully my parents were able to come. My husband went to an urgent care to get some meds, my mom went with me to the hospital, and my dad stayed with the boy. They got me checked in at the OB ward and confirmed I was severely dehydrated. Baby was fine but I was actually having contractions every 4-6 minutes. Yikes! I knew my stomach was cramping/tightening but didn't feel like I would go into labor. I was put on an IV and given a shot for nausea. A few hours and three bags of drip later I was released to go home.
Both my husband and I were knocked out all day Saturday and pretty worthless Sunday. The virus was fast but the after effects of lost sleep, body cramps and dehydration were brutal. We were both glad to be on the mend Sunday evening but disappointed to lose the whole weekend. So much for being productive.
As we turned in early Sunday night, it began to rain. A strong storm but nothing that seemed too worrisome. At 1am I was awakened by the doorbell and knocking on our front door. What in the what?! My bleary eyed husband answered to find our neighbor in a wet suit! He had come over to tell us that if we didn't move our car from the street it was about to float away! The rain had come so hard and fast that our street had become a lake and the water had crept so high it was almost at our house. The mailbox was like an island and the grass was submerged. Obviously, we were again wide awake all night again and worried we were about to be flooded.
Thankfully, the rain let up and the drains began working but the Houston area was wrecked for the next several days. The creek near our house basically cut off all access to driving and as I worked from home I took it very easy--I did not want to go into labor and have to be army airlifted out of my house! I was told to follow-up with my OB on Monday after being in the hospital but with the floods, even their office was closed and I was unable to speak with anyone until Wednesday morning. After catching up with the nurse, we decided I should just stay put and stay hydrated. I had an ultrasound and 36 week appointment scheduled for Monday. That was only 4 days away...what could go wrong?
Thursday, April 14, 2016
32/34 weeks
Whoops, I forgot to post about my 32 week ultrasound and checkup and now it's been another two weeks and I just had a 34 week visit. I thought it seemed like it had been awhile...
The ultrasound at 32 weeks went well. It showed the baby was head down (even though kind of sideways) and helped me figure out what I've been feeling. She does this stretch move that really spreads my hips, which must be a back bend. And the little beats I feel on my left side are her feet, tapping away. Honestly, she does not move near as much as my first and her movements are slower and more about positioning--less about punching/kicking. The tech said she was nuzzled into my placenta (gag, haha), so let's hope she's a calm snuggler! She weighed about 4.5lbs. I was one day shy of 33 weeks--so my OB said she was a little ahead but measuring well. Yay!
My 34 week appointment was basically a handshake. There were no ultrasounds or tests. They took the heart tones and my belly measurement and asked how I was doing. I shared my main symptoms--Braxton Hicks, some discomfort, a little pelvic girdle pain, heartburn-- but all is normal/good. I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound (probably my last) and then the appointments start up weekly.
I was given a baby shower this past weekend which was so nice but that combined with my latest appointment seemed to wake me up. Wow, it's actually happening and getting close! I've shared before how this pregnancy has been pretty mentally challenging for me--from the fear, to the accepting, to the control aspects. Even though I'm experiencing the changes and feel the baby inside me, I'm still guarded. I feel like until she is out in the world and deemed healthy, I can't be totally comfortable. Well the clock is ticking and now I feel the pressure. I'm sure it's the nesting too but I need to get on the ball both personally and professionally. It's time to make some plans and get with the program.
The ultrasound at 32 weeks went well. It showed the baby was head down (even though kind of sideways) and helped me figure out what I've been feeling. She does this stretch move that really spreads my hips, which must be a back bend. And the little beats I feel on my left side are her feet, tapping away. Honestly, she does not move near as much as my first and her movements are slower and more about positioning--less about punching/kicking. The tech said she was nuzzled into my placenta (gag, haha), so let's hope she's a calm snuggler! She weighed about 4.5lbs. I was one day shy of 33 weeks--so my OB said she was a little ahead but measuring well. Yay!
My 34 week appointment was basically a handshake. There were no ultrasounds or tests. They took the heart tones and my belly measurement and asked how I was doing. I shared my main symptoms--Braxton Hicks, some discomfort, a little pelvic girdle pain, heartburn-- but all is normal/good. I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound (probably my last) and then the appointments start up weekly.
I was given a baby shower this past weekend which was so nice but that combined with my latest appointment seemed to wake me up. Wow, it's actually happening and getting close! I've shared before how this pregnancy has been pretty mentally challenging for me--from the fear, to the accepting, to the control aspects. Even though I'm experiencing the changes and feel the baby inside me, I'm still guarded. I feel like until she is out in the world and deemed healthy, I can't be totally comfortable. Well the clock is ticking and now I feel the pressure. I'm sure it's the nesting too but I need to get on the ball both personally and professionally. It's time to make some plans and get with the program.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
28 weeks
Hello third trimester! Baby's getting bigger and so am I. I'm not totally uncomfortable (yet) but the belly is in full force and baby girl is moving all the time. I get physically tired more easily and my back can be sore from standing. My main annoyance right now is bathroom breaks. I don't remember this from my first pregnancy, but I have to go all the time! Not a lot of quantity but so frequent. It must be her positioning/pressure. No complaints though. I am so thankful to be pregnant and it is worth every symptom or discomfort.
I had another good OB visit. I passed my one hour glucose screening--which is fantastic not only because I don't have gestational diabetes but also because I don't have to do the three hour test. My weight seemed ok (it wasn't mentioned) and my fundal height measurement is on track. My next appointment is 32 weeks scheduled for late March. I'll have an ultrasound to check placenta and baby's growth. I have a little anxiety because after the 32 week ultrasound is when I was put on modified bed rest last time. I'll do whatever is necessary but would love to be up and active the whole 40 weeks.
More great news to report. A dear friend who suffered from other infertility issues began acupuncture about four months ago. She called last night and she is pregnant naturally! It is so amazing and wonderful. Although it is still early, I am excited for another miracle and praying for her family.
I had another good OB visit. I passed my one hour glucose screening--which is fantastic not only because I don't have gestational diabetes but also because I don't have to do the three hour test. My weight seemed ok (it wasn't mentioned) and my fundal height measurement is on track. My next appointment is 32 weeks scheduled for late March. I'll have an ultrasound to check placenta and baby's growth. I have a little anxiety because after the 32 week ultrasound is when I was put on modified bed rest last time. I'll do whatever is necessary but would love to be up and active the whole 40 weeks.
More great news to report. A dear friend who suffered from other infertility issues began acupuncture about four months ago. She called last night and she is pregnant naturally! It is so amazing and wonderful. Although it is still early, I am excited for another miracle and praying for her family.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
24 weeks
I had another ultrasound to check measurements of my placenta and it has grown farther away from my cervix! Yay! Hopefully this means I can have less restrictions in later pregnancy and a vaginal birth. My next appointment is in one month, then another ultrasound in 8 weeks.
The only somewhat depressing news is my weight gain in the past month was a little more than my OB would have liked. I'll just say it...That is annoying and frustrating to hear. I respect my doctor and know it is her job to help me but believe me I know I'm bigger and I promise I won't go crazy. I've gained 18 lbs so far and wasn't overweight before getting pregnant. Yes, I had a jump this past month but I also really started showing--hello growth spurt. I'm not usually the type of girl that obsesses about appearances but with raging hormones and rapid body changes, the incessant reminders would irritate anyone.
The only reason I even mention and obviously care is for the health of the pregnancy and baby. My son was large (10+ lbs) and I was actually on modified bed rest for about a month with him due to his size, low head placement, and my cervix starting to dilate. He did not have gestational diabetes and has always been over 100 percentile in height (I come from tall people). I know there has to be a combination of mother's nutrition and baby's DNA when it comes to determining birth weight/size.
I have gone off the super restrictive fertility diet and am back to eating pretty "normal," but I am more aware and limit the amount of sugar and processed carbohydrates than I ever did before. Don't worry, I'm not going to diet or stress out over this news; instead just try and make better choices. But I will eat a piece of pizza or hamburger or cookie if I want it. Ok, rant over! Hahaha.
The only somewhat depressing news is my weight gain in the past month was a little more than my OB would have liked. I'll just say it...That is annoying and frustrating to hear. I respect my doctor and know it is her job to help me but believe me I know I'm bigger and I promise I won't go crazy. I've gained 18 lbs so far and wasn't overweight before getting pregnant. Yes, I had a jump this past month but I also really started showing--hello growth spurt. I'm not usually the type of girl that obsesses about appearances but with raging hormones and rapid body changes, the incessant reminders would irritate anyone.
The only reason I even mention and obviously care is for the health of the pregnancy and baby. My son was large (10+ lbs) and I was actually on modified bed rest for about a month with him due to his size, low head placement, and my cervix starting to dilate. He did not have gestational diabetes and has always been over 100 percentile in height (I come from tall people). I know there has to be a combination of mother's nutrition and baby's DNA when it comes to determining birth weight/size.
I have gone off the super restrictive fertility diet and am back to eating pretty "normal," but I am more aware and limit the amount of sugar and processed carbohydrates than I ever did before. Don't worry, I'm not going to diet or stress out over this news; instead just try and make better choices. But I will eat a piece of pizza or hamburger or cookie if I want it. Ok, rant over! Hahaha.
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