POF--the diagnosis

After the phone call, I was worried but I tried not to freak out and instead wait to talk with my OB. I didn't know if menopause was reversible and surely with drugs and modern medicine there would be some way to get me pregnant, right? I was able to get in two days later.

My OB obviously didn't read my chart before walking in the room to talk with me and my husband. She opened with, "Is it time to have another baby?" Um, yes! I would love that but according to the endo that might be a problem. Her tone immediately changed as she glanced at my results and she said she'd like to retest. She also suggested I see a fertility specialist (RE) immediately. I was getting upset and was still confused--no one was really explaining what I had or what had happened. They all just insinuated I was infertile. I needed answers so it was time for me to start asking questions. I asked what my numerical blood results were first since I didn't know yet. 

FSH - 144

My OB got quiet and vague. She said something about most women being below 10 and up to 20 being treatable. OK, I admit I had done a little Googling so I knew my FSH was probably high, but 144. Holy moly! By the look my husband gave her, we both knew I was way out of the fertility ballpark. I asked if there was something I could do or medicine I could take to lower the number. She didn't have a response just that she has seen this happen before. What?! A thirty year old woman turn into an 80 year old woman overnight! And she said that the RE would go over my options. 

My husband and I left the appointment distraught. On the way out, I got my blood redrawn to retest FSH and get an AMH level. I felt like early menopause/premature ovarian failure/whatever was happening had knocked the wind out me and left me in shock. My husband tried to be positive and say we should wait to talk with the RE, but I already knew. It was over. 

A week later we had the appointment with the RE and he confirmed. My new test showed an FSH of 142 and an AMH of <0.015. He said I had POI-Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. Same as POF but they renamed it because one in a million ladies does get pregnant (actually I think he said 5% but it might as well have been 0 the way I felt). He said we should take our time to process the diagnosis and think about what we wanted, but the option he could assist in would be IVF with donor eggs. He also thought I should be on hormones because I barely had any estrogen in my body.

I was devastated at my diagnosis of POF. I had other friends who struggled with infertility but I never thought I would. How foolish and arrogant of me. I hoped I had been a good and caring friend to them because the pain was overwhelming. I fully realized how blessed I was to have a child before my ovaries went to pot, but I was still incredibly sad. I had never planned to have just one child. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I felt like a failure to my husband. And this might sound odd but I felt like less of a woman--like my body wasn't alive and it somehow left me feeling empty and less attractive. I think some of those feelings were the menopause setting in.

The phone call

So November 27, 2014 was the last, first day of my cycle. When I hadn't had a period by the new year, I actually panicked and thought I might be pregnant. I wanted to have another kid but wow, that was fast and were we really ready? Ten or so tests over the next few weeks confirmed that I wasn't.

At the beginning of February 2015, I had missed two periods but wasn't overly concerned. I knew my hormones could be messed up and that my thyroid was a gatekeeper. I saw my endocrinologist and OB/gyn since it was well woman's time. Both ordered almost identical blood work, so I got them filled at the same time. I knew they were testing my thyroid and some hormones but didn't know which ones (estrogen, I assume) or what they could mean.

I got the phone call one afternoon in late February. That's right, I got a phone call. My endocronologist called and said that my FSH was high and she was sorry because she knew I wanted to have more kids. Excuse me, say what?! She made a couple decrees about reproduction not being her specialty and I should see my OB, but she had seen autoimmune diseases travel in pairs and do similar things. I was post menopausal. Huh?! Still confused.

I got off the phone and cried to my husband that I couldn't have kids and was in menopause. I had no idea what I was talking about but just regurgitated the phone call. He told me to calm down--stop googling--and make an appointment with my OB.

Back story

I was 32 when I found out I had POF.

Mine is a case of secondary infertility, as I was blessed to have a two year old son. He was born October 2012. I had been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism before I got pregnant with him so I was on medication throughout his pregnancy and during breastfeeding.

I had previously had my thyroid levels monitored by my general practitioner, but in the spring 2014 I decided to see a specialist. My new endocrinologist confirmed I was hypo and also recognized the autoimmune disorder hashimotos and said I had several nodules. I had fine needle biopsies on the nodules--ouch!--but they were benign. Whew.

Fast forward to Fall 2014. My feminine cycle had always been regular. I did notice a few periods seemed to come quicker than 28 days but didn't think much of it. I wasn't tracking but did have a lovely vacation to Grand Cayman spoiled by an early Aunt Flo. My son turned two in October 2014 and my husband and I started seriously talking about #2. I began tracking my period in November 2014 in hopes of trying to conceive in the next few months. Little did I know that would be my first and last period to track.