My OB obviously didn't read my chart before walking in the room to talk with me and my husband. She opened with, "Is it time to have another baby?" Um, yes! I would love that but according to the endo that might be a problem. Her tone immediately changed as she glanced at my results and she said she'd like to retest. She also suggested I see a fertility specialist (RE) immediately. I was getting upset and was still confused--no one was really explaining what I had or what had happened. They all just insinuated I was infertile. I needed answers so it was time for me to start asking questions. I asked what my numerical blood results were first since I didn't know yet.
FSH - 144
My OB got quiet and vague. She said something about most women being below 10 and up to 20 being treatable. OK, I admit I had done a little Googling so I knew my FSH was probably high, but 144. Holy moly! By the look my husband gave her, we both knew I was way out of the fertility ballpark. I asked if there was something I could do or medicine I could take to lower the number. She didn't have a response just that she has seen this happen before. What?! A thirty year old woman turn into an 80 year old woman overnight! And she said that the RE would go over my options.
My husband and I left the appointment distraught. On the way out, I got my blood redrawn to retest FSH and get an AMH level. I felt like early menopause/premature ovarian failure/whatever was happening had knocked the wind out me and left me in shock. My husband tried to be positive and say we should wait to talk with the RE, but I already knew. It was over.
A week later we had the appointment with the RE and he confirmed. My new test showed an FSH of 142 and an AMH of <0.015. He said I had POI-Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. Same as POF but they renamed it because one in a million ladies does get pregnant (actually I think he said 5% but it might as well have been 0 the way I felt). He said we should take our time to process the diagnosis and think about what we wanted, but the option he could assist in would be IVF with donor eggs. He also thought I should be on hormones because I barely had any estrogen in my body.
I was devastated at my diagnosis of POF. I had other friends who struggled with infertility but I never thought I would. How foolish and arrogant of me. I hoped I had been a good and caring friend to them because the pain was overwhelming. I fully realized how blessed I was to have a child before my ovaries went to pot, but I was still incredibly sad. I had never planned to have just one child. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I felt like a failure to my husband. And this might sound odd but I felt like less of a woman--like my body wasn't alive and it somehow left me feeling empty and less attractive. I think some of those feelings were the menopause setting in.
I was devastated at my diagnosis of POF. I had other friends who struggled with infertility but I never thought I would. How foolish and arrogant of me. I hoped I had been a good and caring friend to them because the pain was overwhelming. I fully realized how blessed I was to have a child before my ovaries went to pot, but I was still incredibly sad. I had never planned to have just one child. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I felt like a failure to my husband. And this might sound odd but I felt like less of a woman--like my body wasn't alive and it somehow left me feeling empty and less attractive. I think some of those feelings were the menopause setting in.
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