Dr. K was not a fan of me going to the doctor so early--I was barely 4 weeks pregnant according to my August 22 cycle. I explained that I was very anxious given my health history and he finally agreed I could get confirmation and blood work, but gave explicit orders for no ultrasound. His argument was the pregnancy being so new (just implanted) and the balance in my body so fragile. I thought that was reasonable.
The next day was slightly awkward. I got my blood taken and when the RE came in to perform an ultrasound I told him I would not be getting one until 6 weeks. He wasn't pleased and assured me vaginal ultrasound doesn't cause miscarriage--they would never do anything to put a pregnancy at risk. I fully trusted and believed him too, but I stood my ground. There was no medical necessity to have one this soon unless they suspected an ectopic pregnancy (which would have other signs/symptoms).
The RE's nurse called later with my blood results. My hormones were within the recommended range but on the low end. They wanted me on supplements--progesterone and estrogen. Shocker, Dr. K didn't want me to take them. He reminded me how western medicine had dismissed my ability to get pregnant, and he thought my body would respond without synthetic/unnecessary medication. He was worried that adding outside hormones would disrupt systems and balance in my body. He said it could be hard on my kidney/liver and cause inflammation. Great. More contradictions and choosing sides.
In the next 24 hours, I consulted with my regular OB, my practitioner from The Clinic, and two family friends that are also OBs and trained in natural healing. The opinions continued to vary but the overall message was that hormones might not be necessary but also shouldn't hurt me/baby. My body was within range and might be able to sustain things on its own but I wanted to limit risk in case I did need the hormonal supplementation. I chose to take the progesterone and estrogen.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
A miracle - Pregnant after POF
I was seeing Dr. K on a weekly basis. I went in for acupuncture treatment on September 22. Every time I saw him, Dr. K would ask about my cycle (if I had ovulated, had a period, how I felt, etc.) then look me over--examining my tongue and checking my pulse before needle treatment. He always told me my pulse read fast/strange due to my thyroid condition and medication. That day, he felt my pulse several times and at longer intervals. I asked if everything was ok and he said sheepishly, "You might be pregnant."
I'll admit my heart skipped a beat but I knew Dr. K--He was always overly optimistic and often joked with me. I told him he couldn't tease me about being pregnant and he just gave me a sly smile and shrug. We proceeded with treatment but it was a wasted session. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute--I couldn't even fathom the thought of being pregnant. I tried to keep my expectations low and talk to myself rationally. Remember the past 7-8 months, how many tests I had taken, what the doctors had said...but I couldn't wait to get home and pee on another stick.
Which is exactly what I did. Then 4 more. The test was positive. OMG.
There was no waiting to spill the beans or cutesy announcement. I sprinted into the living room and practically threw the test at my husband. "This says I'm pregnant. Do you think I'm pregnant? I don't believe it." I didn't believe it and if I did for a second I was terrified that it would go away. What about my hormone levels, what about the quality of my eggs?
It was 4:50pm when I took the test but I was fortunate to call my RE and get an appointment for the next day. My next call was to Dr. K who immediately advised me NOT to go to the doctor. Too late, I was going. I needed confirmation and direction. I trusted Dr. K but I couldn't ignore technology and modern medicine.
The rest of the afternoon was filled with frantic calls and texts to my closest family and friends. Everyone was shocked and cautiously excited.
I'll admit my heart skipped a beat but I knew Dr. K--He was always overly optimistic and often joked with me. I told him he couldn't tease me about being pregnant and he just gave me a sly smile and shrug. We proceeded with treatment but it was a wasted session. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute--I couldn't even fathom the thought of being pregnant. I tried to keep my expectations low and talk to myself rationally. Remember the past 7-8 months, how many tests I had taken, what the doctors had said...but I couldn't wait to get home and pee on another stick.
Which is exactly what I did. Then 4 more. The test was positive. OMG.
There was no waiting to spill the beans or cutesy announcement. I sprinted into the living room and practically threw the test at my husband. "This says I'm pregnant. Do you think I'm pregnant? I don't believe it." I didn't believe it and if I did for a second I was terrified that it would go away. What about my hormone levels, what about the quality of my eggs?
It was 4:50pm when I took the test but I was fortunate to call my RE and get an appointment for the next day. My next call was to Dr. K who immediately advised me NOT to go to the doctor. Too late, I was going. I needed confirmation and direction. I trusted Dr. K but I couldn't ignore technology and modern medicine.
The rest of the afternoon was filled with frantic calls and texts to my closest family and friends. Everyone was shocked and cautiously excited.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Moving on
After my skipped cycle, I was doing a lot of soul searching. Most likely I was just bouncing around the stages of grief--from anger to denial to acceptance back to depression. I did have to admit though that something had likely happened with my body/ovaries and I couldn't fix it. I had a tearful visit with my practitioner at The Clinic and we decided to suspend our treatments. I continued taking their supplements but I only received acupuncture from Dr. K. I would continue seeing him until my Thanksgiving hormone deadline.
I had to truly consider my options...If I wanted to have another child, I had to look into adoption or donor eggs. I began preliminary research on both but felt confused and sad. I didn't know how either would fit into my existing family structure with one biological child and both options were very pricey. Or maybe our family truly was complete with one child. I felt stuck.
In the meantime, I had another period beginning on August 22. I was glad but not overly hopeful.
I had to truly consider my options...If I wanted to have another child, I had to look into adoption or donor eggs. I began preliminary research on both but felt confused and sad. I didn't know how either would fit into my existing family structure with one biological child and both options were very pricey. Or maybe our family truly was complete with one child. I felt stuck.
In the meantime, I had another period beginning on August 22. I was glad but not overly hopeful.
Aunt Flo - the ups and downs
To give some timeline perspective, my last cycle was November 27, 2014. I was diagnosed with POF in early March 2015. I began acupuncture with Dr. K immediately and with The Clinic in April 2015. Aunt Flo finally returned on May 13, 2015! From regular every month to a nearly six month dry spell. I was amazed and grateful to have my cycle back. I vowed to never again curse that time of month and always celebrate the fact that my body was alive (tell that to my 16 year old self, ha!). I had three cycles in a row--May 13, June 10, and July 2.
My goal every month was to try and get pregnant. Dr. K was on the same page but The Clinic warned me to give my body some time to recover. I think the big issue they worried about was the quality of eggs and my body's hormonal balance. They wanted to keep me from the heartbreak of miscarriage. Against caution, we tried. Before my period came back, since I never knew if I would just sporadically ovulate we tried consistently throughout the month. Once I had a cycle, I attempted to chart my BBT and we focused the trying on the two week window.
Nothing. But I was ok because at least I had a period which meant some chance. During this time, I had joined a support group at my church. A few of the ladies learned my story and encouraged me to go back to the RE. They thought since I had gotten a somewhat regular period back maybe I could be an IVF candidate. I made another appointment and we went to talk to my RE. He wasn't overly optimistic but intrigued and willing to test. It was Day 4 of my July 2nd cycle. My results came back: FSH of 60 and AMH of <0.015. A week later, my FSH was back over 100. No IVF option...still diagnosed ovarian failure.
It wasn't as tragic as the initial diagnosis but I was definitely disappointed. Here I thought I had made progress and I had a chance of getting pregnant, but according to the statistics and science it wasn't going to happen. I also did not get a period that month so I felt double let down. Back to menopause and facing reality. Even though he always had to deliver the bad news, my RE was very kind and supportive. He encouraged me to take time and grieve--he said if I chose to use donor eggs he was confident I could still carry a child. He knew I was trying alternative therapies but told me I ultimately had until Thanksgiving to get on hormones. Going through menopause so young would put me at increased risk for bone loss and heart problems.
My goal every month was to try and get pregnant. Dr. K was on the same page but The Clinic warned me to give my body some time to recover. I think the big issue they worried about was the quality of eggs and my body's hormonal balance. They wanted to keep me from the heartbreak of miscarriage. Against caution, we tried. Before my period came back, since I never knew if I would just sporadically ovulate we tried consistently throughout the month. Once I had a cycle, I attempted to chart my BBT and we focused the trying on the two week window.
Nothing. But I was ok because at least I had a period which meant some chance. During this time, I had joined a support group at my church. A few of the ladies learned my story and encouraged me to go back to the RE. They thought since I had gotten a somewhat regular period back maybe I could be an IVF candidate. I made another appointment and we went to talk to my RE. He wasn't overly optimistic but intrigued and willing to test. It was Day 4 of my July 2nd cycle. My results came back: FSH of 60 and AMH of <0.015. A week later, my FSH was back over 100. No IVF option...still diagnosed ovarian failure.
It wasn't as tragic as the initial diagnosis but I was definitely disappointed. Here I thought I had made progress and I had a chance of getting pregnant, but according to the statistics and science it wasn't going to happen. I also did not get a period that month so I felt double let down. Back to menopause and facing reality. Even though he always had to deliver the bad news, my RE was very kind and supportive. He encouraged me to take time and grieve--he said if I chose to use donor eggs he was confident I could still carry a child. He knew I was trying alternative therapies but told me I ultimately had until Thanksgiving to get on hormones. Going through menopause so young would put me at increased risk for bone loss and heart problems.
Monday, November 30, 2015
TCM - Traditional Chinese Medicine
Since science had no solution, the small amount of information I found on the internet pointed me to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). It sounded a bit far fetched at first but I was willing to try anything for just a chance at another baby--heck at this point, just another menstrual cycle. I dove right in, ordered a book called The Infertility Cure and made an appointment with a local acupuncturist.
I won't go into too many details about the experiences but I will let you all know exactly what I did--because that's the kind of information I was looking for when I was researching. I ended up going to two acupuncture clinics. The first is a solo practitioner (Dr. K). He is Korean and I believe very much the real deal. I consulted with him initially and still use his services today. He told me I had a lot of pelvic and back inflammation. His acupuncture was more aggressive and direct. I felt like he was targeting the specific areas of my body and really trying to make changes. He would make a few dietary suggestions (lower my carbs/sugar) and prescribe herbs from time to time. He also told me to take a prenatal vitamin, folic acid and a baby aspirin. Other than that, there was not a lot of talking. He would ask a few questions but mostly just dive right into the acupuncture.
The second clinic I visited for five months (The Clinic). Although they also performed acupuncture, I liked this clinic more for their mind/body wellness. They listened and gave a lot of suggestions on diet and supplements. I would describe the acupuncture as more relaxing, less clinical and it was the same every session. The diet they recommended which I began strictly following was no carbs, no sugar, no dairy. I would most closely describe it as a Paleo type diet--meat and vegetables. They would also prescribe herbs but I really can't tell you what kinds. I know at first they were to combat hot flashes and restore calm and later to help with the stages of my cycle. The vitamins I took included;
B Complex - one per day
Once Daily - one per day
Pro Omega D - two per day
DHEA 25mg - two per day
System Enzyme Complex - three per day
Vitex - one per day
In addition to this, I would perform castor oil packs occasionally. This is where you soak a piece of wool/cotton in castor oil. You lay the cloth on your lower abdomen and place a heating pad or hot water bottle on top for 30min-one hour. I found this through another blog and felt like it couldn't hurt. I intended to do them every other day but realistically it did not happen. I probably did 15 total in a 4 month period.
For exercising, Dr. K recommended some cardio/leg workouts - such as stair master or biking. He was very big on blood flow and getting the blood moving up from my legs through the pelvis.
I won't go into too many details about the experiences but I will let you all know exactly what I did--because that's the kind of information I was looking for when I was researching. I ended up going to two acupuncture clinics. The first is a solo practitioner (Dr. K). He is Korean and I believe very much the real deal. I consulted with him initially and still use his services today. He told me I had a lot of pelvic and back inflammation. His acupuncture was more aggressive and direct. I felt like he was targeting the specific areas of my body and really trying to make changes. He would make a few dietary suggestions (lower my carbs/sugar) and prescribe herbs from time to time. He also told me to take a prenatal vitamin, folic acid and a baby aspirin. Other than that, there was not a lot of talking. He would ask a few questions but mostly just dive right into the acupuncture.
The second clinic I visited for five months (The Clinic). Although they also performed acupuncture, I liked this clinic more for their mind/body wellness. They listened and gave a lot of suggestions on diet and supplements. I would describe the acupuncture as more relaxing, less clinical and it was the same every session. The diet they recommended which I began strictly following was no carbs, no sugar, no dairy. I would most closely describe it as a Paleo type diet--meat and vegetables. They would also prescribe herbs but I really can't tell you what kinds. I know at first they were to combat hot flashes and restore calm and later to help with the stages of my cycle. The vitamins I took included;
B Complex - one per day
Once Daily - one per day
Pro Omega D - two per day
DHEA 25mg - two per day
System Enzyme Complex - three per day
Vitex - one per day
In addition to this, I would perform castor oil packs occasionally. This is where you soak a piece of wool/cotton in castor oil. You lay the cloth on your lower abdomen and place a heating pad or hot water bottle on top for 30min-one hour. I found this through another blog and felt like it couldn't hurt. I intended to do them every other day but realistically it did not happen. I probably did 15 total in a 4 month period.
For exercising, Dr. K recommended some cardio/leg workouts - such as stair master or biking. He was very big on blood flow and getting the blood moving up from my legs through the pelvis.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
POF--the diagnosis
After the phone call, I was worried but I tried not to freak out and instead wait to talk with my OB. I didn't know if menopause was reversible and surely with drugs and modern medicine there would be some way to get me pregnant, right? I was able to get in two days later.
My OB obviously didn't read my chart before walking in the room to talk with me and my husband. She opened with, "Is it time to have another baby?" Um, yes! I would love that but according to the endo that might be a problem. Her tone immediately changed as she glanced at my results and she said she'd like to retest. She also suggested I see a fertility specialist (RE) immediately. I was getting upset and was still confused--no one was really explaining what I had or what had happened. They all just insinuated I was infertile. I needed answers so it was time for me to start asking questions. I asked what my numerical blood results were first since I didn't know yet.
FSH - 144
My OB got quiet and vague. She said something about most women being below 10 and up to 20 being treatable. OK, I admit I had done a little Googling so I knew my FSH was probably high, but 144. Holy moly! By the look my husband gave her, we both knew I was way out of the fertility ballpark. I asked if there was something I could do or medicine I could take to lower the number. She didn't have a response just that she has seen this happen before. What?! A thirty year old woman turn into an 80 year old woman overnight! And she said that the RE would go over my options.
My husband and I left the appointment distraught. On the way out, I got my blood redrawn to retest FSH and get an AMH level. I felt like early menopause/premature ovarian failure/whatever was happening had knocked the wind out me and left me in shock. My husband tried to be positive and say we should wait to talk with the RE, but I already knew. It was over.
A week later we had the appointment with the RE and he confirmed. My new test showed an FSH of 142 and an AMH of <0.015. He said I had POI-Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. Same as POF but they renamed it because one in a million ladies does get pregnant (actually I think he said 5% but it might as well have been 0 the way I felt). He said we should take our time to process the diagnosis and think about what we wanted, but the option he could assist in would be IVF with donor eggs. He also thought I should be on hormones because I barely had any estrogen in my body.
I was devastated at my diagnosis of POF. I had other friends who struggled with infertility but I never thought I would. How foolish and arrogant of me. I hoped I had been a good and caring friend to them because the pain was overwhelming. I fully realized how blessed I was to have a child before my ovaries went to pot, but I was still incredibly sad. I had never planned to have just one child. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I felt like a failure to my husband. And this might sound odd but I felt like less of a woman--like my body wasn't alive and it somehow left me feeling empty and less attractive. I think some of those feelings were the menopause setting in.
I was devastated at my diagnosis of POF. I had other friends who struggled with infertility but I never thought I would. How foolish and arrogant of me. I hoped I had been a good and caring friend to them because the pain was overwhelming. I fully realized how blessed I was to have a child before my ovaries went to pot, but I was still incredibly sad. I had never planned to have just one child. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I felt like a failure to my husband. And this might sound odd but I felt like less of a woman--like my body wasn't alive and it somehow left me feeling empty and less attractive. I think some of those feelings were the menopause setting in.
The phone call
So November 27, 2014 was the last, first day of my cycle. When I hadn't had a period by the new year, I actually panicked and thought I might be pregnant. I wanted to have another kid but wow, that was fast and were we really ready? Ten or so tests over the next few weeks confirmed that I wasn't.
At the beginning of February 2015, I had missed two periods but wasn't overly concerned. I knew my hormones could be messed up and that my thyroid was a gatekeeper. I saw my endocrinologist and OB/gyn since it was well woman's time. Both ordered almost identical blood work, so I got them filled at the same time. I knew they were testing my thyroid and some hormones but didn't know which ones (estrogen, I assume) or what they could mean.
I got the phone call one afternoon in late February. That's right, I got a phone call. My endocronologist called and said that my FSH was high and she was sorry because she knew I wanted to have more kids. Excuse me, say what?! She made a couple decrees about reproduction not being her specialty and I should see my OB, but she had seen autoimmune diseases travel in pairs and do similar things. I was post menopausal. Huh?! Still confused.
I got off the phone and cried to my husband that I couldn't have kids and was in menopause. I had no idea what I was talking about but just regurgitated the phone call. He told me to calm down--stop googling--and make an appointment with my OB.
At the beginning of February 2015, I had missed two periods but wasn't overly concerned. I knew my hormones could be messed up and that my thyroid was a gatekeeper. I saw my endocrinologist and OB/gyn since it was well woman's time. Both ordered almost identical blood work, so I got them filled at the same time. I knew they were testing my thyroid and some hormones but didn't know which ones (estrogen, I assume) or what they could mean.
I got the phone call one afternoon in late February. That's right, I got a phone call. My endocronologist called and said that my FSH was high and she was sorry because she knew I wanted to have more kids. Excuse me, say what?! She made a couple decrees about reproduction not being her specialty and I should see my OB, but she had seen autoimmune diseases travel in pairs and do similar things. I was post menopausal. Huh?! Still confused.
I got off the phone and cried to my husband that I couldn't have kids and was in menopause. I had no idea what I was talking about but just regurgitated the phone call. He told me to calm down--stop googling--and make an appointment with my OB.
Back story
I was 32 when I found out I had POF.
Mine is a case of secondary infertility, as I was blessed to have a two year old son. He was born October 2012. I had been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism before I got pregnant with him so I was on medication throughout his pregnancy and during breastfeeding.
I had previously had my thyroid levels monitored by my general practitioner, but in the spring 2014 I decided to see a specialist. My new endocrinologist confirmed I was hypo and also recognized the autoimmune disorder hashimotos and said I had several nodules. I had fine needle biopsies on the nodules--ouch!--but they were benign. Whew.
Fast forward to Fall 2014. My feminine cycle had always been regular. I did notice a few periods seemed to come quicker than 28 days but didn't think much of it. I wasn't tracking but did have a lovely vacation to Grand Cayman spoiled by an early Aunt Flo. My son turned two in October 2014 and my husband and I started seriously talking about #2. I began tracking my period in November 2014 in hopes of trying to conceive in the next few months. Little did I know that would be my first and last period to track.
Mine is a case of secondary infertility, as I was blessed to have a two year old son. He was born October 2012. I had been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism before I got pregnant with him so I was on medication throughout his pregnancy and during breastfeeding.
I had previously had my thyroid levels monitored by my general practitioner, but in the spring 2014 I decided to see a specialist. My new endocrinologist confirmed I was hypo and also recognized the autoimmune disorder hashimotos and said I had several nodules. I had fine needle biopsies on the nodules--ouch!--but they were benign. Whew.
Fast forward to Fall 2014. My feminine cycle had always been regular. I did notice a few periods seemed to come quicker than 28 days but didn't think much of it. I wasn't tracking but did have a lovely vacation to Grand Cayman spoiled by an early Aunt Flo. My son turned two in October 2014 and my husband and I started seriously talking about #2. I began tracking my period in November 2014 in hopes of trying to conceive in the next few months. Little did I know that would be my first and last period to track.
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